Thanks to Kat who posted this on [The Negative Reaction] Yahoo Group!!

Interview in Terrorizer taken from ton.net

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Through five albums and more than a decade of depressive
despondency, Brooklyn’s Type O Negative became rock’s undisputed
masters of misery. In the shadow of their success, however, main man
Peter Steele languished in a dungeon of doubt, addiction and self-
loathing from which he could not escape. Until now. Paul Stenning
spoke to Steele about Love, Life, Death and a trip to the Vets.

There’s life in the old dog yet.

As Peter Steele drawls a deep throated “hello” in his thick Brooklyn
accent the world outside my window appears darker than before I
dialed the number for the Dark One’s hotel room in Holland. As we
begin, I’m sure I see the colors of the sky turn a fixating dual
shade of green and black. This was not unexpected. What was
unforeseen is the engaging and chirpy chap on the other end of the
phone. Despite a voice so low that it makes an Exit-13 album seem
stereo-friendly, Mr. Steele is delightfully talkative and affable.

Given the subject matter, and typically austere moniker, of the Type
O Negative album, “Life is Killing me”, the idea of a humorous
conversation certainly isn’t taken for granted by me. It’s clear
that from past TON interviews, however, that Steele is a very
misunderstood character leading an equally distinctive band whose
humor seems to be lost within the mire of it’s own depression.

From the early days of Carnivore and the logical transformation into
the more measured beast that is Type O Negative, it’s clear that
Peter Steele hasn’t done himself any favors in terms of public
perception, whether it be posturing a la Manowar in Carnivore,
posing for Playgirl with a steel sword worthy of a Viagra
advertising campaign or writing frequently dubious lyrics. Yet there
are those who see the beauty of the man (feel at liberty to take
that comment however you desire) who, more than adequately, plays
out a role in a unique band that sets itself no boundaries – other
than to utilize the colors black and green and to remain intently
miserable for mandatory photo opportunities and stage shows, that is.

There was part of me that was hoping this band would actually
dissolve because I wanted to go back to school to do civil
engineering or architecture. Unfortunately, it looks like we will
once again be successful so apparently I am doomed.” Though outside
the clouds are rumbling Pete’s motivations cut through loud and
clearly:

“It’s hard for me to walk away from something that still has some
life in it. A couple of years down the line I don’t want to think `
Did I really F**k this thing up? On a more positive note, `I don’t
wanna be me’ will be the first single and might also be the first
video. I’m proud of the album and I like it – the band really likes
it and we’re looking forward to touring Europe this summer.”

With the emergence of a new TON album with suitably somber lyrics,
the relatively upbeat tenure is both surprising and alluring. It is
unmistakably a return to the satisfying equilibrium of “Bloody
Kisses” and could well set the band up for an equally successful
resurgence. A return to form it most certainly is:

“We changed the name of the album from `The Dream is Dead’ to `Life
is Killing me’, `TDID’ sounded like it could be `World Coming Down’
Part II – like here we go again…the black Type O Negative cloud
settles on earth. That title was even a bit too negative for me.”

Ahem, surely the chosen `Life is Killing me’ is hardly cheery, I
can’t help but mention? “That’s actually kind of a pun,” Pete
deadpans, “it’s your typical stupid idiotic Type O sense of humor.
If Lemmy can say `Killed by Death’ and Ozzy can sing `Killing
yourself to live’, then I can say `Life is Killing me’. I’m in good
company there.

Reading into the lyrics there is a genuine seriousness, even by
TON’s standards, this is a largely solemn subject matter. Surely the
lyrics can’t be just?

“Not when it comes to what the title track is about. It’s about
doctors. I blame them for my Father’s death. He dies on Valentine’s
day of 1995. My Mother’s been in the hospital with diabetes, they
take another piece of her foot every month just because there’s no
end in sight. It just seems to me that the care she’s receiving is
adequate but it shouldn’t be adequate, it should be f**king great.
The doctors just don’t care. They have taken this thing called the
`Hippocratic Oath’, which I call the `Hypocritical Oath’. They’re
supposed to put their patients before the monetary motivation, and
that is by far not apparent. To make matter worse, I don’t think
doctors make an concerted effort to keep their patients alive. For
every time a dying patients heart beats, it’s probably worth 1.60
beats per minute, 3600 beats per day until the person passes away.
Even after they’ve passed away you still receive bills – two months
after they’ve died. You get a reminder like, `Hey, I killed your
Mother and now you’re paying for it’.”

Famous for his athletic stature and outward health, I ask whether
Steele still keeps himself well stocked on vitamins and how his
general health is:

“Right now I’m doing absolutely great. I’m working out and running.
I’m sorry to say that I’m not the suicidal vampire you’re used to
interviewing. I’m very happy to be on this press tour. I’m very
happy to talk to you and I’m very happy to invade England. As far as
general health, I actually don’t even see a family doctor anymore.
I’ve got 4 cats so I let the Vet have a look at me.” This seems
bizarre enough to be completely true. “I’m not kidding you. The only
difference between myself and a great dane is that they walk upright
on all four legs, and generally they’re much smarter than I am. I
find it fascinating that the guy charges me $20 to look down my
throat , tells me I have infected tonsils or something and writes me
out a prescription that costs like $15 for a cat or a dog but would
have cost $100 for a human.

With a sudden thought of Steele downing a couple of horse
tranquillizers to tame a headache, I’m seriously wondering (not to
mention worried) whether they have the desired effect on a human,
even one as large as Pete.

Of course”, he answers me, “I took chemistry at school. It’s the
exact same chemical compounds just called something slightly
different and priced at one sixth of the rate. That’s just one
reason to string doctors up. I would say 80% of individuals who need
this medication are children and elderly people – there really
should be a little more compassion involved.”

The drugs don’t (always) work

Many people reading this might not be familiar with the chemical
dependency of Pete Steele over the years. The band played shows with
Steele totally intoxicated 90% of the time. The revelation that he
needn’t be dependant on such intoxicating substances is only a
recent one.

“Most times I was drinking, that stems from low self-esteem and
shyness – basic stage fright. No one thing can turn a person into an
alcoholic. I’m making this a statement, I’m not blaming the band for
it. I wound up with a drinking problem because of a psychological
need to drink something before going on stage from nervousness. The
most I ever drank was at Dynamo where we played in front of 130,000
people. I probably drank 3 or 4 liters of wine before going on,
maybe 2 or 3 on stage and a couple afterwards. Alcohol also opens
the door to other things because it lowers resistance and
inhibitions.

“I guess what I’m trying to say here to your readers is learn from
my mistakes because if I could fall into this anybody could. What
asshole starts to drink and use drugs every day when they are 36 or
37? It’s a real F**king disgrace. I’m kind of shocked at myself, I’m
embarrassed and I feel that I owe all my band members, all my
family, the record company and, most of all, the fans some kind of
an apology for not doing my job. That slump of doing too much
drinking and cocaine is becoming a thing of the past and I’m
starting to get myself back a little bit.”

Was there any particular event or thought process that initiated
this decision?

I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m tired of feeling
sorry for myself, of complaining and not doing anything about it.
Tired of isolating myself and not going out. This is all drug and
alcohol induced. The more of that I did the more depressed I became
so the more drugs and alcohol I would do – it just becomes this
horrible cycle.” Such honest proclamations bring further revelations
of Pete the young man and of the man we see before us today:

“I’ve always been depressed. Some of my earliest memories are always
really sad ones. I’m depressed all the time and it’s almost
ungrateful because I’ve got a great f**king life. I can walk, I can
see, I’m not the worst looking person in this world. I have a pretty
good career. I’ve got great family and friends – I’m doing what I
want and I’m only 41.”

Recognizing that, what brings a man down?

“I have no idea man. I’m bi-polar. I can be having a great time and
all of a sudden I’m just filled with this black water I cannot
explain it – it just comes over me. I haven’t been on Prozac for
awhile because, like I said, I kind of gave up on myself. But when I
get home I’m going to get my hands on some of that and start to self-
medicate because it really makes a difference. It cuts out some of
the real blackness, I feel sadness but not to the extent that I
would if I wasn’t taking it. It’s not something that gets me happy –
it stops me from dropping to the bottom of the ocean.”

Dangerous Liaisons

Consider me a vampire genie able to give you everything you desire
in life, what is it you most seek that can replace a chemical
addiction?

“Children, responsibility. I am in fact looking for a life partner.
I want the so-called American dream, I want a wife, kids, a home and
I want McDonald’s.” This revelation seems a little surprising yet I
preserve (for the ladies), what exactly does Pete look for
romantically.

“I like Nordic women, preferably very tall with red hair and light
eyes, very slender. Someone intelligent. To be with me with a face
like mine she’s have to have a sense of humor. To have the same
philosophical goals as far as religion and politics go. I have
somewhat of a large criterion, some things really cannot even
negotiate on. If I can’t get what I want I’ll be equally happy to be
alone. If I can’t have verything I will settle for nothing.”

And there is good reason why Steele has enough resolve to be alone
if need be:

“I wasted 10 years in a relationship.” he begins, “and when I was
touring I probably met 10 women that I should have married and I
kick myself every day for letting them go because they were
absolutely perfect and the reason I let them slip through my fingers
was I felt I wasn’t good enough for them. I’m the most imperfect
person I know but I realize now that no one is perfect.

But then I want to be the person I would marry. I don’t want to meet
somebody with a drug problem. I want someone who is trustworthy, who
is not going to cheat and, of course, I’ve got a pretty nasty
reputation in that area but you know, I’ve been talking about my
Mother and I swear to all the readers that the next time I tell a
woman that I love her and only her – when I go on tour I’m going to
leave $10,000 at home with that woman and I’ll say `this is my tour
schedule, any time you like, without provocation or notice, you take
this $10,000 buy a first class ticket anywhere in the world, they’ll
be a laminate waiting for you at every show and I will guarantee you
will never ever find me with another woman. I swear on my Mother’s
health.”

“In the past I was immature, dishonest and, most of all, I was a
sneak and that’s one of the things I hate the most in people.” Pete
continues, “It’s a crazy thing, when I was a kid I used to walk home
from school with my nieces and there was this old Italian woman who
used to sit outside her house every afternoon, she was around 70
years old and every time she saw me walk past she would point at me
and say `You will become what you hate!’ She’d never say it to
anybody else, she’d look right at me with those really light blue
eyes. Her hair was black and she had olive skin – she was a very
interesting looking person, like a witch. I’ll never forget her
pointing at me with her bony finger saying that.”